What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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