In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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