How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
