Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I'm really into asian looking animals
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
