and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
