if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
