Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize