Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you traded sex for a burrito?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
