I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
