Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize