I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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