I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
