You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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