I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
