My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm getting married
To pizza
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize
