i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
