It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I won't apologize to a one balled man
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
We are all done wearing pants today
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
