Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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