i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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