I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
