Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
