Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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