'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
My vagina just clenched in fear
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
