hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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