just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
