i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize