Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
