he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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