Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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