im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
