My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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