shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
