So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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