Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
