you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
