My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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