There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
