There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
