Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Barsexuality is the new black.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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