Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
