No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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