He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
