i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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