my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
