Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
