Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
