I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
