I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
