He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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