1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
