you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
