The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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