the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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