connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
