I think my vagina is haunted
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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