was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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