I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
