i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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