I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
