tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize