i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
