Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
