in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
