Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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