can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
