i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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