last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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