she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
