Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize