Welp...herpes.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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