i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
