Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
